Today marks 8 years since I stopped boozing.
I remember being 16 years old and saying to a friend I think I need to stop drinking! Can you believe that? 16 years old and I already knew there was shit on the way.
I know for a fact that nobody wakes up and decides they are going to be an alcoholic! I remember being 10 years old and at a sports show. One of the Transvaal cricket players was a friend of my dad’s and he said, “Barry let the boy have his first beer” So my dad did. I drank the beer and went straight to heaven. I had never felt anything so euphoric. I loved it. Suddenly I needed to pee and as I did the feeling went away. I then immediately wanted another. Ooops, I had released Mr Paslow. (But master his heads been ripped off 😉)
My Dad always said it was in my blood. I have had other family members that also enjoyed a tipple a little too much 😉 I do think you inherit the disease as well as perfect it through out your life.
I also know another thing. It’s a disease that you will never be able to control unless you want to. I have tried to stop 400 times at least. Most Mondays in fact lol But i never actually wanted to. I liked it. Think about it. It’s easy to stop the things in your life you don’t want. You don’t like someone. Then you just exclude them from your life. You don’t like fish then you eat something else. You stick a hot needle in your eye and its sore, so you don’t do it again. It’s not brain surgery. If you don’t want it in your life anymore you just stop it. Its not so easy hey because its fun. Or at least in the begining.
I know this is not what people want to hear but I had no success at stopping anything in my life unless I wanted to. When I was told to stop, nobody could make me. When I woke up on a machine that was keeping me alive, when there was someone else’s blood being put into me as I was bleeding out. The pain that I went through as the toxin build up in my body was so much it caused extreme pain. The pain from alcohol induced hepatitis. When you are yellow in colour and bloated and dying. When you see yourself going to the other side. Then it’s easy to stop!
Shit that was a scary period. However, I was not ready to leave this planet, I did not have my affairs in order, mentally I was still carrying a lot of baggage and so I have never drunk again. Boom. It turns out all my demons were in the bottle that i thought i could find solace in. Crazy is it not? I got my mind right and I have started to get my body back and I have my emotions back. Life is now better for me this way.
I don’t crave at all. I never have in 8 years. All because I wanted to stop!
I dont begrudge anyone who likes to drink. I am one of you. Its in me. I have accepted that but unfortunatly i had too much too fast. No moderation. So whatcha gonna do.
I have no problem anymore if people drink around me. I do have a few tricks that I use. I leave parties when everyone is on a high and before the Brandy and coke turns people into party animals. I avoid situations where people get uber drunk. Not that I want to drink it’s just that it becomes uncomfortable for me. Not them. I am a drinker through and through. I will always be. I was just the same, so I think I have the right to say it. Lol.
If I make up my mind about something it will be done. I do procrastinate. Like with my ADMIN (because I don’t like it) but like everyone I don’t like being told what to do. However, I am not a idiot. The alcohol was killing me. So, what is the point.
However, the journey had just begun. The hardest thing by far was to fit into society sober. I had lost my wing man. My little buddy that gave me confidence and humour and a false sense of security. It felt like life had been taken away from me. I felt like I was naked on a stage in front of the world.
This is when you need someone who you can trust and can guide you through the very frightening world that you now face alone.
I had such a person, and I will always have her close to my heart. Thank you.
Dont try do it alone. Just suck it up and get some help. I promise you it will be worth it.
So, I am alright, and I have worked hard in the last 8 years to make a life for myself where there is no more regret. Where I can wake up in the morning and not wonder who I insulted the previous night. Whose electric gate I had bashed off with my land cruiser or the UPI’s (unexplained party injuries) or PCD (post coital depression) lol. I drive through a roadblock and wish they would breathalyse me but in 8 years not once. Murphy’s law. It is such a relief to have emotions again and the confidence you get when you are in control of what you say or do. It’s an absolute relief I tell you.
So, I am a happy man and proud of myself. 😉
Here are some pics of what I have been up to in the last few months.
I got hit by a stray boomarang from down under.
I watched a giraffe thinking about Ellen aswell.
I got photobombed.
Ellen found a scorpion.
Got chased by a Elephant.
Found out that Kudu are strong.
Got photobombed again
Found a chameleon
Went to visit Dad at Barry’s rock Sheffield KZN
Watched the most beautifull sunrise in KZN
Got photobombed again
Got a strange request for directions from a passerby
Found an Impala lilly forrest
Found a rhino
What can i say. Mwhaaaaa
Found a Giraffe
Barry paid me a visit!
Watched the sunset with a waterbuck
Watched as the tour leader led a group of trucks into some serious sand.I could tell things were getting serious when the tour leader came past and was sweating bullets, then the guests came past hurling obscenities. Rumor has it that they are still out there and have started a cult. “Beaver lick peoples church” Ps dont drink any coolaid from Damaraland!!!!.
Hugged a tree.
And lastly i had a chat with the wise old tree man and he wants me to tell you its all going to be alright. 😉 Just hang in there and treat yourself kindly.
Thanks for reading 😉 Myself and Ellen are off to go big tonight!
Something to do with a cannon ball, feather and a lot of Fanta!!! 😉
Chat soon
Chadmanwalking out.
Chadmanwalking 